


Our Very Own

by NicoAndTheNineGalaxies



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, One Shot, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-16
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-10-29 10:24:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17806262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NicoAndTheNineGalaxies/pseuds/NicoAndTheNineGalaxies
Summary: God, he’d messed everything up.  Logan couldn’t even stay in the same room as him.All because Patton was hopelessly in love and couldn’t draw the line between impulses and actions.





	Our Very Own

**Author's Note:**

> A little one-shot I wrote, kind of angsty, mostly for the people who aren't huge fans of Valentine's Day. I never was, until this year. Although, since my girlfriend and I aren't exactly open about how we're dating, today (February 15th) is kind of our Valentine's Day. We had a wonderful date today and I love her so much - she got me this fantastic, really soft hoodie and I've been wearing it since she gave it to me. She's amazing, so shoutout to her, though I doubt she'll read this.
> 
> Love you, honey!
> 
> Galaxy ||-//

A figure appeared in Patton’s doorway, silhouetted by the faint light filtering in from the hallway.

He thought it was Virgil standing there, at first.  Until he saw the glasses.

“Logan?”

“Hello, Patton.”

And those two words, softly spoken and barely louder than a breathy whisper, sounded  _ so tired.   _ Whatever was happening, Logan...he wasn’t okay.

Patton sat up in his bed, re-situating the pillows to prop himself up.  “Hey, come on in,” he said once he’d managed to get comfortable again, voice as gentle as he could make it sound.  “What’s up?”

Logan took a hesitant step forward, still lingering by the door.  “I...I apologize for disturbing you. I had intended on going to Virgil, but he needs sleep and he mentioned that he goes to you on nights when he feels, um...less than optimal.”

“Yeah,” Patton confirmed, sliding over to one side of his bed to make room for Logan and pulling back the covers.  “Come here.”

Logan, still hesitating, took a few steps across the room, settling next to Patton on the bed.

Well,  _ settling _ was probably the wrong word for it.  He sat stiffly, legs crossed, shoulders hunched and almost up to his ears.  Everything about his body language read stress.

Throwing the blanket over Logan’s legs and wrapping an arm around his shoulders, encouraging him to relax slightly and lay back on the pile of pillows behind him, Patton slowly coaxed Logan into a more relaxed position.

He didn’t remove his arm, even once they were both comfortably sitting in the bed.  He just turned toward Logan with a sad, sympathetic smile. “Bad day? Bad night?”

“Both,” Logan murmured, glancing away as though he was ashamed to admit it.

“Want to talk about it?”

Logan shrugged.

He began talking anyway.

“Valentine’s Day,” he muttered.  “Stupid. All those cartoon hearts and the fact that you  _ must _ have a date or you are somehow inferior to those that do, and stupid Roman throwing that stupid party - what was he thinking, inviting the Dark Sides, too?  A recipe for disaster, honestly - and staying in my room so I didn’t have to see  _ that _ whole spectacle, only to come out and find Roman and Virgil blatantly making out in the hallway.  What’s the point? I just - this entire holiday. I don’t understand it, and I don’t like things I don’t understand.”

He finished his rant, huffing a sigh and turning away.  He was met with darkness pressing in on his eyes and silence pressing in on his ears, save for Patton’s soft breath tickling the back of his neck.

“I don’t like it, either,” Patton admitted quietly, and Logan turned back, looking Patton in the eye.

“You?   _ You, _ of all people, don’t enjoy Valentine’s Day?”

“I don’t,” Patton confirmed.  “It’s...it’s too much for me, especially if I don’t have anyone to spend it with.  Sometimes, it - it feels like everyone’s got someone for them, except me. I feel left out.”

“Then I suppose you and I can just be left out together.”

“I suppose we can.”

Logan smiled slightly, guiding them both to lay down.  Patton’s arm slipped down from Logan’s shoulders to wrap around his waist instead.

“...Do you ever think about...things?” Patton asked quietly, pressing a little closer to Logan.

Logan felt a smirk tug at the corner of his mouth.  “I think about a lot of things, Patton. You may want to be more specific.”

Patton grinned, playfully shoving Logan away.  “I mean, like -  _ relationship _ things, Lo.  Like, especially today, when everyone’s going on dates and whatever.  Do you ever want something like that with someone?”

Logan met Patton’s gaze for a moment before glancing away, running his fingers over the seam on the edge of the blanket.  “Perhaps. Every now and then, I think maybe it would be nice.”

“Then why have you never, you know...gone for it?”

Logan hesitated.  “Because...because why would anyone say yes?”

“Why?”  Patton repeated.   _ “Why _ would anyone say yes?  To you?”

Logan nodded.  “There’s no point.  What could I bring to a relationship?”

“So much,” Patton said, the words breathed in a way that sent a shiver down Logan’s spine.  “You could bring  _ so much, _ Lo, how can’t you see it?  You - everything you do for me...you keep dreamers grounded, but...but don’t lie, I can see how you smile when I’m dancing around the kitchen while I make breakfast.  You keep me grounded but you still give me freedom to - to, I don’t know...to dream, I guess. And you’re funny and sassy and kind of extra like Roman - “

“Am I, though?”

Patton giggled.  “If you’d just let me finish…!  You’re kind of extra like Roman, but in a more subtle way, and you balance me out  _ and _ you bring out the best in me, somehow at the same time, and you used to think so little of Roman and I, but I see how much you grow each day.  I see how you’re trying, I see how you let us speak out more. You’re recognizing that there’s more to the world and more to Thomas’s decision-making than cold, hard logic.  You came here tonight because you could recognize that you were feeling bad, that’s such a huge step in the right direction!”

Logan was blushing in the dim light, his pale face dusted red.

“And you introduced me to Crofter’s, is there really anything better than that?”

Logan laughed, though it was slightly self-conscious.  “That’s...you’re exaggerating.”

Patton shook his head.  “I’m not. I...I really love you, Logan.  And I know I say that to everyone, but...I mean this.  I love you.”

Before he could really think about what he was doing, he’d wrapped his arms back around Logan’s waist, pulled him closer and into a soft, hesitant, barely-there kiss, more a gentle brush of their lips than anything else.

And just as it was Patton who had initiated it, it was Patton who pulled away first.

“I-I’m sorry, Lo, I know I shouldn’t have done that.  I was totally stepping out of line there, I know…”

“No,” Logan interrupted.  “You weren’t. Don’t worry about it, Patton.”

“Let’s just go to sleep,” Patton said quickly, pulling away, pulling his arms back to his sides.  “You’ll probably want to go back to your room.”

_ Stupid, stupid, stupid. _

_ He didn’t want that. _

_ Why did you do that? _

 

_ What an idiot. _

 

“I’d rather stay,” Logan said softly.  His voice was so gentle, Patton almost wanted to cry.

“I...I need a second.  I’m sorry. I can’t believe I just did that.”

“It’s fine, Patton - “

“It’s  _ not _ fine - “

“I’m not mad at you - “

“Well,  _ I _ am!”

“I didn’t mind - “

“You should - “

“Patton, it’s okay, really - “

“No, it’s not!”

“I’m not upset - “

“Why the  _ hell _ not?” Patton’s voice had risen to a shout.

Logan stared at him in a shocked silence.

“W-why are you being so nice about this?” Patton asked, bringing his voice back down to a whisper.  “I just  _ kissed you,  _ Logan.  We’re only friends, and even that’s a recent development!  That’s all we’re supposed to be, this isn’t what’s meant to happen.  We’ve got to - my emotions are already so much, so scattered, and yours have been suppressed for so long, how are we supposed to be  _ anything? _  We can’t do this, you should be angry, you should be leaving already, you need to go, Logan.  I’m sorry, but you’ve got to leave.”

And why,  _ why _ did Logan look so hurt?

“Patton - “

“Leave,” Patton repeated, his voice breaking slightly.

And so Logan did, leaving Patton feeling cold without his warmth and his arms feeling empty without anything to hold onto.

 

Patton had been right the previous night.  About everything.

Well.

_ Almost _ everything.

He was right about how Logan watched with a smile as Patton danced around the kitchen, the smell of pancakes or waffles and, of course, the Crofter’s Logan had introduced him to - but that morning, there was no Patton to watch and no smile to be seen.  He’d been right about how Logan was growing, yes - but it meant that not seeing Patton hurt so much more than it would’ve before.

But for everything he’d been right about...he’d also been completely wrong about something else.

They could be something.  They could be anything and everything.  They could be friends, they could be more than that, they could be whatever they wanted to be.  It was up to them.

The one thing they  _ couldn’t  _ be was absolutely nothing.

But that was what they currently were, given the circumstances.

 

It was almost noon when Patton finally came downstairs.  Even Virgil had woken up before him.

He was dressed in an oversized sky-blue sweater, rubbing his tired-looking eyes with one floppy sleeve.  It would’ve been adorable, had he not been quite clearly trying to hold back tears.

He poured himself a cup of coffee, leaning against the counter, cradling his cat mug in hands tucked inside his sweater sleeves and taking a long, slow sip, his glasses set askew on his nose and steaming up slightly.  It was a few minutes before he was even awake enough to notice Logan was there, and once he did, he almost dropped his mug.

Logan quickly dove forward, catching it just as it slipped from Patton’s hands, not letting a drop spill as he returned it to its original owner, who stared at him as the mug was pressed back into his hands.

“Wouldn’t want to drop that,” Logan murmured before walking back to the other side of the kitchen, closing his jar of Crofter’s with a flick of his wrist (a comfort food for him, obviously) and depositing it on a shelf in the fridge.

He could still feel Patton’s gaze burning into the back of his head as he swept out of the kitchen, and he had to pause outside for a moment to compose himself.

Oh, this was  _ not _ going well.

 

Patton barely had enough time to set his mug on the kitchen counter before he practically wilted.

He sank to the ground, letting his head fall back against the wall and drawing his knees up to his chest.

_ God, _ he’d messed everything up.  Logan couldn’t even stay in the same room as him.

All because Patton was hopelessly in love and couldn’t draw the line between impulses and actions.

And then Virgil was in the kitchen, reaching for the coffeepot, but he paused, glancing at Patton sitting there on the ground.

Without a word, he sat down by Patton’s side, a silent signal.

_ Talk if you need to. _

Patton opened his mouth to try to speak, but all that escaped was a strangled sob.  Virgil wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

“Shh, Pat, it’s okay.  I’m here for you, alright?”

Another sob.  Patton swallowed hard, forcing himself to form words, the first ones that came to mind.

“H-he didn’t even say it back.”

With so little information to go on, Virgil was silent for a few moments.

“...Hurts?”

Patton nodded.

“It’s a Sunday...I can go tell Thomas to take a day off or something, so you don’t have to work too hard.  Sound good?”

“Yeah...yeah.  Thanks, Virge.”

Virgil smiled sadly.  “No problem, Padre. You good here for a bit while I talk to him, or do you want me to stay?”

“I’m...I’ll be alright.  You can go talk to Thomas.”

“Are you sure?”

Patton hummed in confirmation.

“Okay.  Hang tight, Pat.  I’ll be back.”

 

Thomas was eating lunch when Virgil appeared on the stairs, and he screamed.

This was a fairly regular occurrence.

“Oh, hey.  You surprised me.”

Virgil rolled his eyes.  “Yeah, I gathered that. Look, you don’t have anything going on today, right?”

Thomas frowned.  “Uh...I don’t think so.  Why?”

“Patton’s not doing great,” Virgil admitted with a grimace.  “I suggest we take a bit of a day off - he needs some time, I guess.”

“Okay, that’s fine,” Thomas agreed.  “I could tell something was up, I haven’t felt right all day.  Do you know what’s wrong?”

Virgil shook his head.  “Nope, sorry. I found him crying in the kitchen and he could barely get any words out, so I figured it’d be better not to ask.”

“Once he’s feeling better, do you think I could talk to him?”

Virgil nodded.  “That would probably help a little.  Anyway...I’ve got to go, I promised him I’d be right back.”

“Yeah, alright.  And, Virge, just - take care of him, okay?”

“Of course.  I’m doing my best.”

 

Patton glanced up when he heard footsteps entering the kitchen, feeling someone settle by his side.

“Hey, Padre,” Virgil said gently.  “You staying here, or do you want to go up to your room?”

His room...where he’d kissed Logan, and where he’d then proceeded to push Logan out of his life.

So he shook his head.

Virgil frowned.  “My room’s not going to help...and Roman’s is just going to get your imagination running wild, which isn’t always great.  How about Logan’s? That might get you thinking a little clearer.”

Patton’s eyes widened, and he shook his head a little harder, more urgently.

Something clicked in Virgil’s expression, his mouth falling open slightly.  “Wait. This is about  _ Logan?” _

Patton nodded slowly.

“What happened?”

“He, um...he came to my room last night,” Patton began quietly, his voice breaking.  “And we were talking about how frustrating Valentine’s Day can be, especially since we’re both single, and I asked him if he ever thought about…being in a relationship.  And he said yes, but that no one would ever want to be in a relationship with him, so I started listing reasons why they would, and then I told him I love him and I kissed him, and it was...it was such a mistake, Virgil, and he didn’t even say it back…”

“Wait, what makes you say it was a mistake?”

“Because...because it can’t happen.  He’s just...well, you know what he’s like, and you know what I’m like.  It just can’t.”

“...How did Logan react?”

“He...I don’t know,” Patton admitted.  “I didn’t really give him any time to react.  I just told him to leave.”

“What if you tried talking to him?”

Patton tensed.  “I-if he wants to talk to me, he’ll come find me.”

“Come on,” Virgil said with a sympathetic little smile, grabbing Patton’s arm and pulling him to his feet.  “Let’s get you to your room. I’ll stay with you until he shows up.”

“How do you know that he will?” Patton countered nervously.

“I just do, Pat.  Trust me. He’ll come, I promise.  And I promise I’ll stay until he does.”

 

And, of course, Virgil never broke a promise.

He did stay.  And Logan did show up a few hours later, nearing sunset, knocking quietly on the door, only the slightest hint of surprise on his face when he heard Virgil’s voice instead of Patton’s.

Virgil placed a comforting hand on Patton’s shoulder before brushing past Logan and making his way out to the hallway, leaving Logan and Patton alone in the room.

Patton smiled shakily, sliding to the side and pulling the covers back.  “Come here.”

Logan obliged without protest, settling comfortable into the mound of pillows, his arm brushing lightly against Patton’s.

They sat in silence for a moment.

It was Logan who broke it this time.

“Bad day?  Bad night?”

An echo of Patton’s words the night before.

“...Both.”

Logan smiled sympathetically.  “Would you like to talk about it?”

Patton lowered his head.  “How much is there to talk about, really?  You must hate me after how I acted.”

“What?” Logan asked quietly, shock in his tone.  “You think I hate you?”

Patton snorted.  “Well, obviously.  You couldn’t even stay in the same room as me this morning.”

Logan frowned, and once again, he pulled them both down to lay on their sides, facing each other.  “Do you ever think about...things?”

“What kind of things?”

Logan tilted his head to the side slightly.  “...Us?”

“Sometimes,” Patton confessed.  “Sometimes, I think about how it’d be nice to be able to sleep next to you every night, or kiss you without being scared, or to tell you I love you.”

“Then why haven’t you...gone for it?”

Patton tried his best to choke back tears - and he failed, surrendering to them as the traced paths down his cheeks.  “Because...why would you say yes?”

For the longest, most agonizing moment, nothing was said.  Neither of them moved. They were silent and still, save for Patton’s occasional sobs.

“Oh, Patton,” Logan said softly, reaching out to pull Patton into a hug.  “How long have you been holding this in?”

Patton buried his face in Logan’s chest, seeking comfort in the strong arms wrapped around him.  “I...I don’t know…”

“Do you want to know why I would say yes?” Logan asked, his voice suddenly dead serious.

Patton nodded into his chest.

“I would say yes because I see you, and I see how amazing you are,” Logan began.  “I see how you dream, despite knowing it may never happen. I see how you dance around the kitchen while you make breakfast.  I see how you’re everything people expect of you and yet at the same time, nothing like that at all. I see how you can be responsible, and yet you know how to let go.  But it’s not just things that I see...I feel how much I can relax around you. I feel how you respect me, and I feel how you help me grow, and I feel how much you love me, and I feel how much I love you, because how could I not?  You don’t ever have to worry about that, Patton. I’m sorry that it took you getting hurt to prompt me to confess, but it’s true. I...I’m still getting used to this whole emotions thing, but I know that I love you so much.  _ That’s _ why I didn’t mind when you kissed me,  _ that’s _ why I wasn’t upset.  Because the truth is, I’ve been wanting that as well.”

Patton only started sobbing harder.

“Patton?” Logan asked, alarmed, placing a gentle finger under Patton’s chin to lift his head and study his eyes.  “Did I say something...wrong?”

“No,” Patton said quickly, eyes shining as he shook his head.  “No, not at all. You said everything right, Lo.”

Gently, slowly, giving Patton plenty of time to pull away, Logan leaned in and pulled them both into a soft kiss.

Patton didn’t pull away - in fact, he even pressed a little closer, weaving his fingers through Logan’s hair, and Logan sighed contentedly.  That felt...surprisingly nice. Between the gentle pressure of Patton’s lips on his and Patton’s fingers softly tugging at his hair to tilt his head to the side…

Patton pulled away ever so slightly, and Logan frowned for a moment before a trail of kisses along his jaw caught his attention, Patton’s lips just barely brushing his neck as he buried his head in Logan’s shoulder.

“I love you, Logan,” Patton murmured.

“I love you, too.”

He could feel the curve of Patton’s smile against his neck.

“February fifteenth,” Logan mused.  “Hm...it’s like our very own Valentine’s Day, isn’t it?”

“Our very own,” Patton echoed.  “I like that.”

“Then...happy Valentine’s Day, I suppose,” Logan said with a smile, ducking his head slightly to press another kiss to Patton’s lips.

Patton blushed slightly.  “Happy Valentine’s Day, Logan.  Changed your mind about it yet?”

“...Perhaps it’s not so bad, after all.”


End file.
